Friday, November 28, 2008

Teardrops and broken glass

Today I am numb.

For the last 60 hours our senses have been flooded with stories and images from Mumbai, a city under attack.
A city under attack from cowards toting automatic rifles and grenades.
Cowards trying to hide their impotence under the shroud of religious fervour.
A relegious fervour propagated by false godmen, stoking fires of hatred amongst the ignorant, the desperate.
And it is those desperate, ignorant folks that turn into these chilling killing machines, whose actions betray their cowardice.

A full circle, and I am sick of it.

I am sick of looking at the blood on the streets.
I am sick of hearing mothers cry.
I am sick of looking at the faces  of uncomprehending orphans.
I am sick of hearing our spineless leaders mouthing inane platitudes, feeble cliches and innuendos.
I am sick of living under the shadow of terror.

My country is dying. Bit by bloody bit, she is being killed slowly. By our own apathy, by lack of our decisiveness. It is our own weakness that is responsible for our country being labelled a soft target. Infact, such is the ignorance and worthlessness of our political system, that the last few days seem like an electric jolt given to a cadaver, animating it falsely so that it appears alive.

How many more deaths more will it take for India to cast of its economic leash and fight terrorism seriously? It is an open secret where all the terrorists are training. It is an open secret how they are coming in our country. It is an open secret where they are getting funds from. When will an Indian leader have the balls to declare

"If you are not with us, you are against us."

On day one, my heart was bleeding with Mumbai. 
On day two, I was angry. 
Today, the crisis is finally over, and the overbearingly familiar aftermath starts - the rising death toll, the blame game, the intelligence failure, the cash relief..... 

Today,I am just numb.

Friday, November 7, 2008

cold cuts in the heart

Tonight I had decided that I will not consider myself to be the part of a "modern" human society, not anymore. You see, something had snapped inside me, a long time back, and I realized it just now, while reading Dante's Divine Comedy. 

It all started when I scampered behind Dante and Virgil, frightfully peeping into the depths of hell, and saw myself staring back from the abyss. Masks fell away from people I know (rather knew), and unknown faces, vaguely familiar, grinned "I told you so." Screaming with horror I rushed towards my guides, only to find that they were the figments of my fevered imagination.

What is it about us, as a species, that drag us down a narcissistic spiral of self deceit? Who spoke the first lie? The bible suggests that it was Cain. If so then why are we all not bearing his mark? 
Lying is our own way to deal with the concepts of civilisation as we know it, with its baggage of failed expectations, doomed relationships and fantasies. As our society evolves, our psyche becomes more and more brittle, precariously held together by a tangle of thin lies. As soon as one of these threads tear, our carefully nurtured, delicate emotional glass house breaks down, and we stand alone, blinking at the sudden glare of truth. Standing among the ruins of our emotional moonscape, we ask ourselves "Was it worth it? Was our father right in coming out of the caves with a lighted torch, staring down the sabre toothed tiger with his feeble stone spear, trying to save poor mother and brother, who could not defend themselves? Was he right in taking up colored chalk and drawing his hunt story on the cave wall, only to create a language of deceit? Was he right in caring for someone beyond the boundaries of basic physical needs?"

Standing in front of a mirror, we try to hide our bald patches, draw our breath in so that our tummy wont show, and put on our masks to face the world. But the mirror knows us for who we really are. In one moment of unguarded clarity, we see ourselves as we really are, small, vain, pathetic..... insignificant. Desperately we try to act as if nothing happened, applying extra efforts to brush up our appearance, but inside we know that life will never be the same again. 

Why did we become so fragile? Is it some flaw inside all of us? Are we as a species stuck in our own sad little drama, hamming lies written by others and adlibbing more lies to hide our own incompetence, all the while praying that some does not look under our mask. Even in our most private moments we hesitate to take off that mask, and when we do, we still leave the costumes on.

Or is it just..... me?

No. I will not answer that question. I must be going mad....

Friday, August 29, 2008

life liya lite

It is always difficult to begin something like this. I mean, I get an urge to write, my soul craves for a creative outlet and blahblah, but once I get down to it, what do I write about? Shall I get moody and soulful and create what we call "an atmosphere"? Shall I launch into a narrative of the latest happenings of an all too mundane life? Shall I display a marked existential angst like Morpheus in Neil Gaiman's Sandman? Cmon this is freaking me out!!!

Its like this. A guy gets thoughtful ya know. When he is smoking an after lunch cigerette alone in the lobby, he gets into... a mood. Ya know that feeling of detachment from your own life that comes over us, time to time(I use "us" in a very loose sense, so if you people do not get that, I accept that I am a crazy loony). Anyways the upshot of it all is that I get this urge to do something... dunno like something really big, like teach in a school in afghanistan. Or some thing fantastic, like fall in love.  Maybe something crazy, like rave about in the road singing at the top of my voice, poking fat people with my index finger. What about riding away from the city into some forest, and camp with tigers and snakes, like those guys in National Geographic do?

What happens instead is that the cigarette finishes. And I take the whole matter lite.... like I always do.

Hey, I just realised. Atleast I am doing something new now.

Cheers!!! :)