Friday, November 7, 2008

cold cuts in the heart


Tonight I had decided that I will not consider myself to be the part of a "modern" human society, not anymore. You see, something had snapped inside me, a long time back, and I realized it just now, while reading Dante's Divine Comedy. 

It all started when I scampered behind Dante and Virgil, frightfully peeping into the depths of hell, and saw myself staring back from the abyss. Masks fell away from people I know (rather knew), and unknown faces, vaguely familiar, grinned "I told you so." Screaming with horror I rushed towards my guides, only to find that they were the figments of my fevered imagination.

What is it about us, as a species, that drag us down a narcissistic spiral of self deceit? Who spoke the first lie? The bible suggests that it was Cain. If so then why are we all not bearing his mark? 
Lying is our own way to deal with the concepts of civilisation as we know it, with its baggage of failed expectations, doomed relationships and fantasies. As our society evolves, our psyche becomes more and more brittle, precariously held together by a tangle of thin lies. As soon as one of these threads tear, our carefully nurtured, delicate emotional glass house breaks down, and we stand alone, blinking at the sudden glare of truth. Standing among the ruins of our emotional moonscape, we ask ourselves "Was it worth it? Was our father right in coming out of the caves with a lighted torch, staring down the sabre toothed tiger with his feeble stone spear, trying to save poor mother and brother, who could not defend themselves? Was he right in taking up colored chalk and drawing his hunt story on the cave wall, only to create a language of deceit? Was he right in caring for someone beyond the boundaries of basic physical needs?"

Standing in front of a mirror, we try to hide our bald patches, draw our breath in so that our tummy wont show, and put on our masks to face the world. But the mirror knows us for who we really are. In one moment of unguarded clarity, we see ourselves as we really are, small, vain, pathetic..... insignificant. Desperately we try to act as if nothing happened, applying extra efforts to brush up our appearance, but inside we know that life will never be the same again. 

Why did we become so fragile? Is it some flaw inside all of us? Are we as a species stuck in our own sad little drama, hamming lies written by others and adlibbing more lies to hide our own incompetence, all the while praying that some does not look under our mask. Even in our most private moments we hesitate to take off that mask, and when we do, we still leave the costumes on.

Or is it just..... me?

No. I will not answer that question. I must be going mad....


4 comments:

  1. superb! fantastic! outstanding! mindblowing! history!

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Ta kobe theke AYAN RYAND r pothe hatcho bacha!!!! Why so much philosophical?? Anyway it's good.....reason ta janle original judgement hoto!!!!!

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  4. As they say.. "Know Thyself"
    It took him 24 yrs and a profession in gaming to know himself :D

    but keep the next one lite :)

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