Sunday, November 1, 2009

Insignificant Victories

Dung-Dung had just gone out to deliver a pizza when the end of days began.

It started with a small tremor, barely noticeable at first. Then it started to grow, accompanied with a citywide sound rattling glass (The story is set in a city, genius! Of course in the villages there was no such sound ). Cracks then appeared on the ground, through which the forms of unknown horrors below could be glimpsed (The horrors remain unknown, because everyone died that day). As the first drops of a red rain started tippering on the stranded cars, the sun went out.

Dung-Dung found himself on the highway to hell, still astride his pizza delivery moped. There was a huge traffic jam at the entrance to the netherworld. Apparently the hellspawn were staging a protest march against the sudden increase in work (They were actually singing The Internationale, accompanied by posters which read 'Demons of Hell, Unite! You losers have lost everything already and wont be getting anything in return, but wtf!') . Dung-Dung suddenly realized that something was wriggling in his pocket. He felt inside and saw that his delivery address had changed to "13/2012 Beelzebub Avenue, 9th Circle"

"Hey, thats the boss himself!" A hoarse voice croaked behind him. A small demon had perched on the Pizza Box, and was trying his best hide a pizza slice behind his wings (It had a potbelly. Not that it matters anything to our story, or for that matter to anyone).
"Give that back, freeloader!" Dung-Dung cried indigantly. Then he sighed desolately, "Naah eat it. Whats the point now?"
"Thanks man!" the demon beamed at him, showing his stained and broken teeth. "Its not everyday we get to eat some cooked food you know. You wouldnt be having some ketchup would you?" he added hopefully.
Dung-Dung tossed him a sachet of ketchup (and some chilly flakes and oregano, because he was basically a nice guy), and then helped himself to a slice of pizza (one with lots of pepperoni).

He was chomping thoughtfully when suddenly there was a bright bang (Notice how the rules of grammar start breaking down with the advent of apocalypse). Lucifer appeared before him, in blazing red and wielding fireballs, looking mightily pissed off.

"Whats the big idea, Dung-Dung?" he boomed, freezing the small demon (My sources tell me that its name was Mr. Anderson, once again an unverifiable, and completely useless fact) as it tried to scamper off on Dung-Dung's moped." I wanted this pizza for myself, and you two are guzzling it down here. There is only one slice left! Nice going, I must say."

"Err.. Umm.. Sir.. I think.. "
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!" roared the Morningstar. "I want my Pizza now, or else you will be spending the rest of eternity wandering in the Serbonian Bog (Go on, look it up on the wiki.. go on). I will personally give you a tour of the nine circles, and will oversee a Cain Category welcoming committee at each of them.  Irresponsible idiot, no wonder your species got doomed."

Then Dung-Dung did something he had never done before. Very slowly he picked up the remaining slice of Pizza, and proceeded to devour it with ghoulish relish, all the while giving the devil the one-fingered salute.Lucifer looked at Dung-Dung with a surprised scowl, and then flew off without a word.

Dung_Dung started his moped, and moved on, feeling a strange sense of accomplishment.
The demons kept on singing The Internationale.
The devil ordered a pizza from the shop opposite to Dung-Dung's (Maybe his order went into the voice mail. What do I know?).
And the world kept on burning.